Wednesday, 9 January 2013

I can Explain...

Can you believe it's nearly been a year since I posted on here? I sometimes look at my blog, then if I had a mirror at the precise moment in time I would look back at myself in disgust, ashamed I've left it so long. Truly though A LOT has happened within that year. I don't really know why but I have felt for  some time that I should tell you about it, and there hasn't been a right time...until now.

well, I'm not the first, and I know I'm definitely not going to be the last (sadly). My husband David and I separated in May. It was my decision, and believe me, not one that I took lightly. To save people's feelings (as I know that David, and my family may read my blog) I will not go into the whole ins and outs, but things were just not right and either I could sit back and let it consume me, or I could grab the bull by the horns and do something about it. and that's what I did. I know that some will think that when you get married you're in it for the long haul, and I respect those people's opinion, but that wasn't for me.

And it's not like I decided on the toss of a coin or on the spur of the moment. I knew it was a massive decision which made it even more difficult. Not only would it affect mine and David's life, but also that of my family and most importantly, Joseph.

If i thought telling David was hard, telling Joseph was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. How do you make a 7 year old understand that you are not and would never leave them, and that they would still want for nothing, yet expect them to believe that everything would stay the same? I'm crying now when I remember that awful day. I try not to think about it normally as it's too upsetting. As with anything time eases things and Joseph is now as happy as he ever was, but that day I knew he was breaking his heart.

And now 7 months on things are just getting a little easier. Just because it was me who made the decision doesn't mean that I wasn't wholly upset by the experience. I live in a village about 5 miles from my previous home, in a lovely 3 bedroomed apartment, with a fantastic craft room and amazing neighbours whom I've had the pleasure of getting to know though all of this. I have lost friends unfortunately,but gained some too, and I think that things like this shows who really were friends in the first place. If this has cemented one thought in my mind, never jusdge another until you've walked in their shoes.  And through all of this my best friend Sheila has stood by me like a rock. No one could ask for a better friend.

So now you know; that's the reason for my hiatus and the delay in setting up my online craft boutique.But I'm getting there, David and I are still friends and I'm thankful for that. He was my friend first and foremost and hope he always will be. And I hope Joseph knows I love him forever and with all my heart.


Lee said...

Wishing you all the best for the future.x

PaperFunky said...

It must of been a hard descision to make but its better to have had that moment of upset and be happy now than lived a lie x sending you big crafty hugs and good luck in all that you do, your son is lucky to have a strong mum and loving parents x

Jo Austin said...

Oh honey...

As you say, you won't be the first and you won't be the last... but you're coming through the other side of it, and for that you need to be thankful.

I'm sure there's no doubt in Joes mind that you absolutely adore him.

keep your pecker up love.. you'll be fine!

Jo xx

Tracie said...

i've been the same place as you about 4 yrs ago honey... and like you say its heartbreaking... it was hell trying to explain to a then 3 and 1 yr old.. they still ask questions now but trust me it gets better and I know in my heart as i am sure you do too that it was the right thing to do. Love to you xx

Casper said...

Hiya Clare,any ending is sad,it's how you recover and move on!You made the decision that was right for you and all those around you!Never easy,so glad that you had the strength and courage!Glad you are back!Big Hugs Casper/Rachel xxx

Tracy said...

Claire, honey what can I say, I too have been in that situation and it is so hard, but you are a strong woman and will be a happier mum for Joseph in the long run.x hugs to you xx
Tracy x

Soo said...

Clare - life seldom takes the path we expected and sometimes the detours are tough -- just keep moving forward.

I had tears in my eyes reading about you telling your son -- even now it's clear how hard it was and how very much you love him. I am sure it's just as clear to him.

Crafty hugs. xx

Katie Berberich Handmade said...

What a bitter sweet post. You write so well and you've obviously made the right decision as you have come out the other end happier. I guess it'll take a while but the worst is over. Hugs to you and your son.
Katie x

Jenz Bitz 'n' Bobs said...

So sorry to hear about that Clare. Thinking of you and Joseph. If you ever need to chat you know where I am. Take care. Hugs Jenny xx

-Agnes- said...

You were very brave to make that decisison; it will make it easier for Joseph that his parents are still friends I'm sure. Keep up your strength and we are glad to have you back!

Max said...

So sad to hear about your marriage break up ... but pleased that you've managed to remain friends through it all. It makes it so much easier for children to accept and cope with the changes if parents aren't bitching at, (or about), each other.
I wrongly assumed your long absence was because something awful had happened following your surgery but was too afraid to ask.
Looking forward to hearing all about your new venture ... or should that be ADventure?
Wishing you good luck.
Max's Craft Creations

Unknown said...

Sending hugs Txx

Deirdre said...

Only reading this now.... waayyy behind the times... Sending hugs to you Clare. Wishing you all the very best in the next chapter of your life.