It's really hard to say how I feel right now...right at this moment in time as I type this. I suppose the right way to put it is a mash of emotions - shocked, but not shocked, distraught yet together. For someone I 'know', someone who I grew up being completely infactuated with has gone to hopefully a better place. However, I didn't really know him, so why do I feel such a loss?
Micheal Jackson was such a great influence on my life from when I was about 10 years old, and from that day when I first bought Thriller with my birthday money my life has never been the same. To say that I was infactuated by him is putting it mildly. I was always listened to his music, bought all the posters (one of my favourite is the picture above), scarves, even a white glove. I Wore the white plasters, and the black arm band, sewed the patches onto my jacket, cut out his picture or any article about him from magazines and put it into a scrapbook. I also suscribed to 'The King magazine' - all about Michael, written by his fans, for his fans. I had more arguments than I can remember defending his name with the others at school that just didn't like him. Whenever a new single came out, I just HAD to buy it in 7", 12" and special edition 7" and 12" formats. My mum used to think I was mad! She said if I spent as much time on my school work as I did on Michael Jackson I'd be sorted. he really was my whole world.
When I was 17, Michael was touring with the Dangerous World Tour and I couldn't wait to see him, for real. I went with my best friend, Anne Wood, and I remember us practicing running as fast as we could to make sure that we would get to the front of the crowd! As I reminice now, it seems so silly, but at the time it made perfect sense. I saved and saved for that concert, and bought every t-shirt, poster and souvenir catalogue going to declare my love for the King of Pop. The atmosphere was electric, and I remember when it was time for the concert to start, and the music started, I cried like a baby, and nearly fainted. I didn't thank goodness, as Anne said " get a grip or you'll miss him coming on!" It was without doubt (up to that point in my life anyway) the best three hours of my life.
Of course, as I matured, went to University and subsequently got a job, my infactuation for Michael waned somewhat, but I still bought his CD's and was lucky enough to go again to see him in the 'Blood is on the Dancefloor' Tour. He was still as spellbingingly magical as always.
When 'those' allergations came out, I stood by him like any good friend should. I (again) got into heated discussions with family and friends, and in the end he was found innocent. When some of my friends and family, along with the media were on a witch hunt out for his blood, I listened to the edidence and yes, I think he was naive, and badly advised, but I still believed in him. I don't think he every really recovered after that.
Now he is gone, and I feel just as I did back then, loving him so much. My feelings seem so irrational, but then he was a huge part of my life. He got me though some bad times, bullying at school and the like, but when I got home his songs were always there. Can you mourn someone you never really 'knew'. In my opinion I think so.
So back then, when he was out of favour with the press, after the Martin Bashir Interview and the trial, the media still in my opinion treated him like he had been found guilty of those terrible things. And now...well, now they can't wait to put his image on the front of thir papers and tell stories about what they found at his postmortem cancerning his cosmetic surgery, his hair - on the cover of one paper they even boast about an 'exclusive' last picture of Michael in the ambulance, intubated and probably gone. How callous and severely distasteful does someone have to be to stoop so low as to even think about taking a picture of a man in his final minutes of life? SHAME ON THEM. As far as I'm concerned they are the lowest of the low, and if they are a member of the emergency services as I suspect, they should be struck off for such a terrible betrayal of a man's right to privacy and dignity. Please, let's just stop this media circus that has surrounded him all his life and treat him with some respect.
I plan to remember him as I have always done. A genius, an extremely talented, kind individual. I will miss you every day Michael, but your music and your lagacy with be with me forever. Thanks for some great memories. This video says it all - Gone Too Soon.
all my love,