It's really hard to say how I feel right now...right at this moment in time as I type this. I suppose the right way to put it is a mash of emotions - shocked, but not shocked, distraught yet together. For someone I 'know', someone who I grew up being completely infactuated with has gone to hopefully a better place. However, I didn't really know him, so why do I feel such a loss?
Micheal Jackson was such a great influence on my life from when I was about 10 years old, and from that day when I first bought Thriller with my birthday money my life has never been the same. To say that I was infactuated by him is putting it mildly. I was always listened to his music, bought all the posters (one of my favourite is the picture above), scarves, even a white glove. I Wore the white plasters, and the black arm band, sewed the patches onto my jacket, cut out his picture or any article about him from magazines and put it into a scrapbook. I also suscribed to 'The King magazine' - all about Michael, written by his fans, for his fans. I had more arguments than I can remember defending his name with the others at school that just didn't like him. Whenever a new single came out, I just HAD to buy it in 7", 12" and special edition 7" and 12" formats. My mum used to think I was mad! She said if I spent as much time on my school work as I did on Michael Jackson I'd be sorted. he really was my whole world.
When I was 17, Michael was touring with the Dangerous World Tour and I couldn't wait to see him, for real. I went with my best friend, Anne Wood, and I remember us practicing running as fast as we could to make sure that we would get to the front of the crowd! As I reminice now, it seems so silly, but at the time it made perfect sense. I saved and saved for that concert, and bought every t-shirt, poster and souvenir catalogue going to declare my love for the King of Pop. The atmosphere was electric, and I remember when it was time for the concert to start, and the music started, I cried like a baby, and nearly fainted. I didn't thank goodness, as Anne said " get a grip or you'll miss him coming on!" It was without doubt (up to that point in my life anyway) the best three hours of my life.
Of course, as I matured, went to University and subsequently got a job, my infactuation for Michael waned somewhat, but I still bought his CD's and was lucky enough to go again to see him in the 'Blood is on the Dancefloor' Tour. He was still as spellbingingly magical as always.
When 'those' allergations came out, I stood by him like any good friend should. I (again) got into heated discussions with family and friends, and in the end he was found innocent. When some of my friends and family, along with the media were on a witch hunt out for his blood, I listened to the edidence and yes, I think he was naive, and badly advised, but I still believed in him. I don't think he every really recovered after that.
Now he is gone, and I feel just as I did back then, loving him so much. My feelings seem so irrational, but then he was a huge part of my life. He got me though some bad times, bullying at school and the like, but when I got home his songs were always there. Can you mourn someone you never really 'knew'. In my opinion I think so.
So back then, when he was out of favour with the press, after the Martin Bashir Interview and the trial, the media still in my opinion treated him like he had been found guilty of those terrible things. And now...well, now they can't wait to put his image on the front of thir papers and tell stories about what they found at his postmortem cancerning his cosmetic surgery, his hair - on the cover of one paper they even boast about an 'exclusive' last picture of Michael in the ambulance, intubated and probably gone. How callous and severely distasteful does someone have to be to stoop so low as to even think about taking a picture of a man in his final minutes of life? SHAME ON THEM. As far as I'm concerned they are the lowest of the low, and if they are a member of the emergency services as I suspect, they should be struck off for such a terrible betrayal of a man's right to privacy and dignity. Please, let's just stop this media circus that has surrounded him all his life and treat him with some respect.
I plan to remember him as I have always done. A genius, an extremely talented, kind individual. I will miss you every day Michael, but your music and your lagacy with be with me forever. Thanks for some great memories. This video says it all - Gone Too Soon.
all my love,
Clare x
14 comments:
That was beautiful. And, I feel the exact same way. I almost felt like I was reading something that I wrote! Michael was a huge part of my childhood. I can identify any period of my life by one of his songs. When I saw him on the 'Bad" tour, my mom threatened me within an inch of my life if I passed out! lol So, I just cried for 3 hours. Only one other entertainer had the same effect on me, and that is his sister Janet.
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings.
From one devoted fan to another,
Tiffany
I have loved reading your story about your love and obvious respect for this great person and agree he will be sadly missed by millions including myself. I am just so glad we still have his music...we will always have that and therefore MJ will forever be with us. I also feel that he was badly maligned by the press and in some style it seems they are quite happy invading peoples privacy and seem to have no respect even for the dead. As most things these days they go to far. I also agree I do not think MJ could have hurt anyone but was very naive and as always the subject of greed. He offered genuine love and friendship but some wanted more much more from him and took him for what they could and ultimately nearly destroyed him. I never believed MJ could have done the things they reported if people listened to the lyrics that went with the music they would know that. I enjoyed the video.
Hugs
Lorraine x
I was so touched by your post and totally absorbed watching him in that video. I'm sure he has gone to a much kinder, peaceful place xx
I am in tears just reading your post, even though I'm only 14 I don't know that mcuh about him but I am touched by this tribute. Love rachel xxx
Fantastically put, i totally agree, why can't they just let him rest in peace now. I loved him, and am gutted that he's gone.
xxxx
Thanks for that lovely post Clare. I like you, have been a big fan since my teens. I have been so upset over the weekend, people close to me have thought that I am going mad, but its like I have lost an old friend. In his own words, 'we are not alone' in the way we feel, there are millions of true fans feeling like we do. I wasn't lucky enough to see him live but I won't forget him or his wonderful music, Heidi xx
Hi Clare, although I do not share your love for Michael, I share the same emotions for another idol, so I can just about imagine your feelings.
Take care!
Paula
xxx
Such beautiful sentiments Clare. Thankyou for sharing with us, there are far too many people around that will give their negative opinion and put Michael Jackson down but he was a legend and will be forever.
beautiful tribute - have seen few of these posts on peoples blog, a truly a legend which has now gone, so sad.
Good on you for speaking with your heart, I was not a fan particularly, but my husband and daughter are massive fans and were distraught with the sad news,both had tickets for the O2 concert and as a family we share your views on giving the man some dignity and respect, sadly our world seems to exist on building people up to icon status and then taking great delight in knocking them down and destroying them, none so heartbreakingly sadly as MJ, take comfort in the fact you know he had many people on his side like yourself who did genuinely care (((((((hugs)))))))
Beautifully written blog post Clare, take care XXX
Clare your words were very emotional to me. I was a huge Michael Jackson fan, and like you feel he had been treated badly by the media. The media managed to inflate, and deflate him even aftern death! i dont understand why they behave in this way, but it made me very angry. I believe he was himself a man in torment and i chose to remember him for the same reasons as you, a music genius, and a great father to his children. God bless him. Hugs to you too Clare x
I was intrigued by your comments about Michael. I also didn't know Michael personally, but have loved him for a long time. So sad the things he endured in his too short life. But I heard him in his own words say he wouldn't have traded the life he lived for a different one. So I guess for the most part he made his peace. He really did seem to be a genius man-child. I'll be glad when his family buries him so he can finally rest in peace. But I fear the media will never let him rest. Take care of yourself- wishing you many blessings...Rae
Clare, I forgot to tell you thank you so much for the great photo of Michael. I bought at least three magazine pictorials of his life, Ebony, Life and Rolling Stone- and not one of them had this photo of him. It is really really nice! Rae
Aaahh Clare! I just found this post because it popped up at the foot of your latest post...so I am a bit late, but yes I feel the same. The morning I found out he had passed, I was stunned. A few days later I went up into my mum's loft and got down all my MJ stuff from my teen years...posters...calenders....records...t-shirts...books...mags. They were going for crazy prices on ebay. But I couldn't bear to part with a single thing. They are now packed safely away and I will treasure them always. It's hard, especially on occasions such as his Birthday the other week. Certain songs set me off. 'I just can't stop loving you' always get's me. My son is called Ben after the song 'Ben'..and that brings a tear to my eye also. At least we will always have his. Hugs....xx Jenny xx
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